M.I.A.

I've missed two Thankful Thursday Posts. 

Wow, I'm terrible, but I do feel like I have a good excuse.

Last Thursday was  a really hard night for me.

Actually, last Thursday I pretended like everything was fine.

However, on Friday I couldn't pretend anymore.

After two hours of sleep I woke up at three.

I knew it was going to be a long night.

I was trying to come up with excuses or reasons that I could use to make everything alright.

Around four or five in the morning I said a prayer.

It was one of the most honest, sincere prayers I've said in a long time.

I can't say that I was alright with anything but I could say that my Heavenly Father was mindful of me.

The next two hours I was drifting in and out of sleep.

I was exhausted.

I was hurt.

I was feeling terrible. 

I just wanted to cry, but I couldn't.

Last Friday I was working at City Creek Center and I had to be happy. (I'll write another post about that later.)

That's what I was getting paid for.

I was half way through my shift and I felt this pain overtake my chest.

Like the same pain I use to feel when I had pleurisy or pneumonia.

I needed comfort.

It was time for  my lunch and I had a thirty minute break.

I grabbed my phone charger and talked with my mom for a bit.

She was a strength and made me feel better.

I prayed for comfort and guidance.

That's when I felt it.

Everything was going to be alright.

Everything I was feeling was alright.

I can be sad.

I can be hurt.

It's all part of the plan for me.

The rest of my shift passed by slowly.

I just wanted to go home and figure everything out.

As soon as my shift was over I went to the office to check out.

I saw two of my roommates.

I needed to see them.

They knew I was struggling and they didn't say anything.

They just hugged me and that made the biggest difference.

Kierst and Al were AND are one of my tender mercies.

I went home and I saw Crysta.

Crysta, that day, was one of my biggest tender mercies.

It's safe to say that Crysta is one of the few people who have seen me at my lowest of lows.

We talked for a long time.

About my feeling, fears, and how hurt I was over everything.

She justified my feelings but also helped me to see the other side.

She was full of insights and I'm blessed that she was there for me last Friday.

Last Friday was the last improv show of the semester.

I knew I was not going to miss it, but I was afraid to go.

I didn't know how hard it was going to be.

After a call from my sister, Emmy, I knew it would be alright.

Yes, it would be way hard, but I will not back down from a challenge.

I put on my brave face and I went to the church.

I walked over with Duncan, Crysta, and Chandler.

Duncan could tell something was wrong and gave a hug.

Nothing more, but I didn't need more.

With a deep breath I walked into the church.

My brave face was on and I was ready to be the happy Hannah that everyone knows.

It was harder than I thought it was going to be.

I've always been able to mask my feelings.

Most people think I'm always happy, and I'm fine with that.

However, last Friday was different.

I had a lot of people come and ask me if I was alright.

For the first time I didn't lie.

I was alive, but not good.

All of them had something uplifting to say.

I really struggled during the improv show.

It was hard to watch, and I was hurting.

When a band was singing I had to go to Crysta.

The words to the song were spot on with a lot of things I was feeling.

The improv show was finished and I could breathe.

Phew! I made it through.

I can do hard things.

I was pretending to be happy but more people could tell I wasn't.

Adrienne grabbed my face and told me that she had been thinking of me.

She had put my name on the prayer roll in the temple.

That's what I needed to hear.

I had hit one of my lowest points and I knew that only I could change how I'm feeling.

I have a lot of people who care for me.

I have great roommates.

I have an amazing family who came last weekend. (I'll also post about that.)

I had a boy who I really like and I think he's worth being patient.

I have an older brother, the Savior, who struggled and atoned for me.

I have a Father in Heaven who is mindful of me through everything.

I'm a very blessed girl.

I knew I had two choices, am I going to be better or bitter?

P.S. If you read through all of this I'm impressed. I promise there is a good end, but I will post about it later.

P.P.S. Mom I'm fine! Don't freak out over this post. :)

Happy Sabbath Day

I love the Prophet Joseph Smith.

I've always admired, loved, and been thankful for all he has done.

When I am struggling or hurting I turn to Joseph Smith for an example.

I realize that I have trials for a reason and that I can overcome them by using the Gospel.

Not even death can stop my progression.

I often wonder what it would be like to say goodbye to my family knowing it would be the last time I would ever see them.

I don't think I could do it, but I'm so thankful that Joseph Smith did.

He is a great source of strength and I can't wait to meet him.

I know that Joseph Smith is the prophet of this dispensation.

I know that he translated the Book of Mormon.

I'm so thankful for all he has done and continues to do.

I know I'll see him and I can't wait to thank him.

What Not To Do When You Get Married

1.Make your wife look dumb.

2. Do NOT post a video of your wife being dumb on YouTube. 

I wonder if he will be sleeping on the couch for a while?

Sunday Music

 Everywhere I go Hilary Weeks seems to be on the radio or someone's laptop.

I have all of her music and I really like this song.

I hope everyone enjoys it.

Have a great Sabbath Day!

Saturday Melodies

Just a few of my favorite songs! 

Enjoy!!

Be 100% Present

I've always been a day dreamer. In fact, day dreaming often gets in the way of school. I remember being in math and hearing how to start the problem, zoning out, and then realizing that my teacher had just explained how to solve the problem. 

I am still a day dreamer. Sometimes I forget to enjoy the present because I am thinking of my future. In Play Theory there is a principle about being 100% present. I struggle with this principle a lot. I use to think that this only applied to my daily conversations and the time I spend in play theory each Tuesday. Well, I recently discovered that being 100% present is important in my relationships AND emotions. There are moments when I am perfectly content with my whole life. There are no worries. Then I hear or read something and my dream is pulled away from me. Reality starts to crash down and I realize that my dreams might not come true. What? Disney has been leading me astray my whole life? 

These are the moments I'm most thankful for. When I am feeling low, struggling, and realizing that I don't have as much control in my life as I thought. Because in those moments I am able to receive comfort that everything will be alright.  My Father in Heaven knows my needs more than I do. He knows what struggles, victories, and people in my life to get back to  heaven. I am often awe-struck with how much faith Heavenly Father has in me to let me struggle and ask questions. I LOVE when I get to pray for comfort, guidance, and love because I get to be 100% present with my Heavenly Father. When I do receive an I'm humbled because I realize that I'm not alone in my adventure. 

Tonight I had a sinking feeling. I realized that for the first time I'm being 100% present in a relationship and I could possibly get hurt. That's when the doubts and fears enter into my head. Is it worth the hurt I'll feel if things don't work out the way I dreamed? Can I actually handle the trials I might have to go through? However, when I started to feel down my roommate said, "Do not worry. Things will work out the way they are suppose to." Thank goodness for my angels, who also happen to be my roommates. I'm amazed at how all of my roommates are 100% present with guidance from the spirit and how I have been blessed by them. They have been answers to my prayers. 

After my roommate said to not worry, I felt peace. It's true, everything will work out how it's suppose to. I'm so glad that I'm being 100% present in my relationship. Why? Because it is definitely worth putting my feelings on the line. I know that I am right where I need to be. I receive that confirmation multiple times on a daily basis. 

I've definitely been able to see the benefit of being 100% present in my relationships and emotions. I do still day dream but a lot of the time reality is even better than my dreams. Yes, I can actually say that. 

Thankful Thursday

Three blog posts within twelve hours? 

I forgot how much I like blogging. 

I should do it more often!

1. I'm thankful for Salt Lake City weather. 

The high for today is suppose to be 69 degreez. (Doesn't the z make it cooler?)

2. Joe White (Braden Cope)

This past week my roommates and I had a snow white dinner for Braden.

When I get pictures I'll make sure to post them.

3.  Pink Lemonade.

I've recently been reminded of how much I like this.

YUMMO!!!

4. Childhood movies.

I love watching movies that I haven't seen in ages.

This past week I had a chance to watch Heavy Weights.

It's even better now than when I was a young one.

5. Paralegal Pals.

I get to be with them every Tuesday and Wednesday.

They are so much fun to be around and I'm going to miss them this summer.

6. Pandora.

Music is the only thing that gets me through some classes and situations.

Pandora Indie Pop station is one of my favorites right now.

7. The Killers/ Brandon Flowers

8. Sweatshirts and Jackets.

I am always cold and I am willing to bet that you can always see me wearing a sweatshirt or jacket.

9. Missionary Letters.

 I get to read Jacob and Nate's weekly letters.

They lift me up weekly.

Their testimonies are amazing.

10. I'm thankful for this blog.

Happy Birthday Wittle Brother

Yes, my wittle brother is now an eighteen year old! 

Nathan was born March 4, 1994.

He is my Irish twin and I can not imagine life without him.

Nathan and I are very close in age and I am thankful for that.

I have a lot of fond memories of my wittle brother.

We use to get in these little fights where we started out mad but we would always end up laughing by the end.

I use to be bigger than him and I would "kindly" make him do something for me.

Well, Nathan is now bigger than me and I can't "kindly" make him do anything for me.

However, Nathan is a champ and will still help me whenever he can.

Nathan is one of my best friends.

I know that I could talk to him about anything and he would listen.

He is a great listener and an even better friend.

I never hear him talk bad about anybody and he is very loyal.

Nathan is brilliant.

He recently scored a 32 on the ACT and he deserves it.

Nathan will never brag about it so I will do it for him.

He is part of the scholastic team and he thrives at that.

He loves to learn and he does a great job at retaining everything he learns.

Nathan has a great testimony.

He helped me to gain a testimony of Joseph Smith.

If Joseph Smith was anything like Nathan when he was fourteen. than I know he that he could  receive the first vision.

Nathan does not let fear stop him from doing anything.

Nathan has never backed down from a challenge and he moves on even when he fails.

Nathan is the Student Body President at my Alma Mater and he does a great job.

I lived four hours a way and I was hearing of his crazy clothes he would wear for athletic events.

Nathan is serving as a senate page right now and I'm so happy for him.

Nathan will be at BYU next year and I'm excited to have him closer so I can see him more often!!

This is only a little bit about my bigger, wittle brother but I'll save it for later.

Nathan, I'm glad you were born eighteen years ago.

I'm SO glad I get to be with you for eternity!

I hope you had a great birthday! 

Crysta Hacks my Blog

then do a post please o and also can we be friends :D  You probably wont read this but hi my name is crysta moore i am from aurora, Colorado and well i have nothing new really except that i am leaving soon sad day but in going our separate ways i hope we can be friends and stay in contact in less you dont want to then i can go bye bye haha hehe well i hope we can hang out sometime. (hint hint) p.s. please dont hate me  buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz ok bye night talk to you when ever, peace out, see you in the morning light, bye bye, see you later alligator, apoligize for being a meany, bye home busicut dog skillet,   ok i am going to go now cause i am either making things worse or yeah

Thankful Thursday

1. I'm thankful for snowball fights.

 I forgot how much I like the snow.

One of the many differences between Utah and Idaho is that it can be warm when it snows in Utah. 

2. Mark and Angelynn. 

I can talk to them about a lot of things.

They have been a source of strength this past week.

3. I'm thankful for Mariela and everything I learned  from her.

I hope she is happy and I can't wait to see her with her tummy!

4. Van Norman.

He is my grandpa at the LDSBC.

He is literally one of the best guys I know.

He has truly been a blessing in my life!

5. I'm thankful for the phone.

I'm able to talk with my family whenever I want to!

6.I'm thankful for the Lokey's and I miss them oodles and oodles.

7. I'm thankful for quotes.

I'm inspired on a daily basis and Sister Hinckley has some of the best quotes.

8. Preach My Gospel.

A  great testimony builder and teaching guide!

9. Holly Brinkerhoff.

She gives great advice and is always a source of light in my life.

She is so close to the spirit and she can make anyone feel better.

I'm willing to bet on it.

10. I'm thankful for good communication.

Without it I would be crazy!

I am so thankful for the Gospel, my family, and church leaders.

I'm truly blessed!